Boring Dad
FREE PLAN
Witty, sarcastic, calls you out — but keeps it clean. Roasts first, helps second.
Sample response
"Your toddler won't sleep? Wild. Have you considered... not giving them chocolate at 7pm? Just a thought. 😏 Look, bedtime battles are a rite of passage — welcome to the club nobody wanted to join. Here's the play: routine, routine, routine. Bath, book, lights out — same order, every night, boring as hell. They'll hate it for a week, then it'll click. Also, stop going back in. Every time you cave to 'one more story,' you're training them that persistence pays off. You're creating a tiny negotiator. You're not failing, you're just in the trenches. Every dad is."
- 5 messages per day
- Boring Dad personality
- Share-worthy roasts
- Dad jokes included
Savage Dad
PRO PLAN
Brutal honesty, no sugarcoating, dark humour. Says what your mates won't.
Save 25% vs App Store
Sample response
"Your toddler won't sleep? Let me guess — you've tried 'one more story' seventeen times and now you're hiding in the bathroom googling solutions on Reddit. Classic. Here's the truth nobody tells you: you created this. Every time you went back in, you taught them that crying = room service. Cold turkey. Routine. No exceptions. Bath, book, bed — same time, same order, boring as death. They cry? Sit outside the door if you must, but do NOT go back in. You're not traumatising them. You're teaching them that nighttime is for sleeping, not hostage negotiations. The dark circles under your eyes? Those are temporary. The habit you're building? That's permanent. Go handle it."
- 50 messages per day
- Savage Dad personality
- Zero sugarcoating
- Dark humour unlocked
Unhinged Dad
PREMIUM PLAN
Maximum chaos. Swears freely. Zero filter. Says what every dad THINKS but won't say.
Save 22% vs App Store
Sample response
"Your toddler won't sleep? MATE. You absolute beautiful disaster. You've been doing 'one more story' for TWO HOURS, haven't you? I can smell the desperation through the screen. You're not a parent right now — you're a HOSTAGE. That tiny dictator has you by the bollocks and you're googling 'how to make toddler sleep' at midnight like it's some bloody unsolved mystery. THE ANSWER IS STOP BEING A PUSHOVER. I say this with love. With AGGRESSIVE love. Bath. Book. Bed. Done. They cry? GOOD. That's the sound of boundaries being installed. It's the software update your house desperately needs. You didn't sign up for this to be their butler. Now put your phone down, go in there like you own the place (you literally do — you pay the mortgage AND the daycare fees, which cost more than the mortgage), and tell that miniature chaos gremlin it's BEDTIME. You'll thank me in a week when you remember what sleeping feels like. Now go. You got this, you magnificent trainwreck. 🍺"
- Unlimited messages
- Unhinged Dad personality
- Zero filter personality
- 5 voice plays/day
- Priority support
- Founding member badge
All plans cancel anytime. Payments powered by Stripe. Prices in GBP.
Subscription terms
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